Satire Student life

4 + 1 tricks to make the most of your Christmas at home (Southern European edition)

by Marta Vallvé Òdena

Ah, here it is! ‘Tis the season for meeting with relatives over copious amounts of food and partaking in conversations you really want to have regarding either politics or your personal life (i.e. wondering if you have a partner yet). Although we all love a good Christian holiday, turn your Christmas from okay to FUN with these simple tips:

1. Break the ice with a cheeky climate change discussion

You will feel uplifted and in good spirits when the topic swiftly changes to Greta Thunberg and why she’s deranged. Tackling the important stuff!

2. Purchase Christmas presents for everyone

What better way to remind everyone that you love them than by buying them material things! Doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as you buy something. Think fast fashion, think tech (your brother really needs that Fitbit), and most importantly, think big! Remember the golden rule: a purchased gift is better than any gift.

3. Discuss queer theory with your grandpa – he’ll love it!

Gender performativity, heteronormativity, gender non-conforming and fluidity, non-binarity… All concepts he will consider with respect and tolerance. You’re in for a treat!

4. Facilitate alcohol for all your older relatives

There’s nothing more interesting than conservative and drunken rhetoric, am I right? Stay around the table after a few glasses of wine for a titillating speech on why immigrants are a public enemy, or if you’re lucky, an analysis on why feminism is just reverse sexism. 

5. Mention your switch to vegetarianism/veganism

It’s lovely to get heartfelt understanding at such revelation. And even more so when such understanding is expressed by being suddenly very worried about proteins,telling you all the reasons why it’s unnatural, or reminding you how the food chain works.

Hope these infallible tricks help you enjoy your holidays even more! Happy Holidays everyone!