Opinion Satire

5 ways to smoke on campus

Since this July, the campus is officially smoke-free. That means that smoking is no longer allowed anywhere on campus, including the designated smoking-areas that used to be. Where before non-smoking policies were ment to protect non-smokers. Nowadays, policies are aimed to bully those that still like to put on a sigaret. Alas, liberalism is dead, paternalism is back and let’s all live long and boring lives. But civil disobedience is also quite the hype lately and that’s why we came up with 5 ways to smoke on campus:

1.Hide in the open

How about smoking in the middle of Forum? The canteen of Orion? During class? If they see it, they won’t even believe it. They’ll think it’s a dream. Or some old movie. Before they realise it’s real, you’re already one sigaret in.

2.Smoke in a bottle

For every exhale, just blow the smoke in a bottle. And afterwards you can reuse the bottled smoke and enjoy your sigaret a second time! Alternatively, fill up your bottle with smoke at home en bring it to campus. Sell bottled smoke for big money and get rich quick.

3.Use a fume hood

Fume hoods are designed for this. They were build to quickly get rid of toxic fumes and they were build to help you light a sigaret halfway through your day, when no one is watching.

4.Hide your sigaret in a coffee cup

Just pretend that you are drinking and that your coffee is so boiling hot that smoke is damping off.

5.Rent a room at Campus Plaza

Start smoking in your private room, and rent out your room to other smokers. Get rich quick again!

This post is not yet sponsored by Marlboro