Controversial WUR

How to impress that Unilever Hottie!

In this feature we interviewed our university to find out how they manage to look so damn good and attract so much hot private interest?

We all know if you want to impress the Unilever hottie you see in the library every Wednesday, you got to get that image in tip top shape. Unilever doesn’t just go for any old scrappy looking independent university, they choose the finest looking in the land.

Jester: Thank you for joining us today WUR, it is a pleasure to have such a well-regarded and popular university in our midst. First things first, I want to know how you look so fabulous?

WUR: Well let’s get things straight here – it takes work. Natural beauty is only a basis that I start with, from there I use my unmatched intellect to explore the potential of natural features to improve the quality of my looks.

Jester: Fascinating to see natural features as just a basis, I never thought of this. I do wonder how you keep up this image though.

WUR: It starts with a good funding stream from my long list of private partners. I always say “Honey, the more money you give me, the better I will look” – works every time. This money goes straight towards my well-being, food, and living environment. Of course, I keep these priorities quite vague so that I can easily switch to whatever makes my private partner happy.

Jester: You really are a beautiful genius, but you must have critics?

WUR: There are still haters of course. That is why I have my own team to ensure my beauty is not criticised, they call it marketing or something. Having my own magazine is so important for this, without that who knows what people could say about me out in the open.

How you look so fabulous?

There are these rumours around the campus from people who think I’m too obsessed with my image, saying that I stop them doing the research they’d like to do. Who do they think I am? Some kind of independent public institution that produces knowledge for the public good? Pfft, maybe they should start paying for my upkeep if they feel so strongly about it.

Jester: You are so right, public funding is so lame. One last question, who do you have your eye on these days?

WUR: Well as you probably know, there’s this new hottie Unilever that I’m really struck on. The critics are getting pretty loud on this one, but I don’t think it’s anything my image-maintaining minions can’t take care of. I had this ongoing thing with these lookers called China, Monsanto and some stunner who was crazy about chicken food – people were all worried about them but I’m just playing them more low-key now so people will forget all that, probably.

Jester: Amazing, I love the excitement of low-key private partnerships. Thank you so much for speaking with us today. I’m sure many of our aspiring followers will take these image tips into their own life and maybe look half as good as you one day.

But seriously, do you want to find out how our university’s image affects our research and education? On Monday the 7th of December, it’s our favourite hottie Unilever’s birthday. For this occasion, Boerengroep, RUW, ASEED Europe and XR will be organising a webinar from 16:30 – 18:00 on how the image of the university affects our research and education titled: Behind the image of WUR – Stories on conflicting interests. If you don’t have an evil Facebook page you can sign up directly here.

On the same day there will also be a pop-up fair ground with some fun games from 12:00- 15:00 on the campus. Make sure to drop by to get in the birthday party spirit.

Hope to see you there!